The Happy Medium
by Rosie26
Summary: Friends gather in the White Tower to remember the dead - and hopefully have a word or two.
1. Default Chapter

**THE HAPPY MEDIUM**

_It was the anniversary of the victory over Sauron, and the King and Queen of Gondor had invited their dear friends from all corners of Middle Earth to share in the celebrations. As the conversation turned to those who had been lost, Faramir remembered the claims of Ioreth that she was able to communicate with the dead. Soon the gathering found themselves seated around a large table in the White Tower - Aragorn, Faramir, Eowyn, Arwen, Pippin, Merry, Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Sam, Eomer, and Ioreth, whose hands were around the palantir_

"Merry," said Pippin, "Why are we holding hands? It's not going to be one of _those_ kind of dos is it?"

"No Pippin," his cousin replied, "It's a seance. We're going to talk to the dead."

Pippin looked confused. "Why would we want to do that?" he asked, "Won't it be a bit of a one-sided conversation?"

"They talk back," said Merry. "Ioreth is a medium."

Pippin chortled. "Don't be daft Merry." He lowered his voice as he looked nervously towards Ioreth. "She's a lot bigger than that."_  
_  
The young hobbit jumped like a scared rabbit as Ioreth's voice boomed out, "IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?"

Pippin looked around. "Yes, quite a few of us actua.....OUCH!" He glared at Merry. "What did you do that for?"

"Pippin, shhhh," whispered Merry. "Ioreth is trying to reach the spirits."

Trying to make amends, Pippin tried to attract the attention of Faramir.

"Faramir.......Faramir! Could you pass that bottle of brandy to Ioreth?"

Pippin looked despondent when the only response was a glare from all those present.  
  
"IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?" asked Ioreth again. "Knock once for yes, and twice for no."

Merry grabbed Pippin's clenched fist which was set to knock on the table, before three slow, deliberate knocks were heard.  
  
"That was three," said Pippin, "What does that mean?

"Someone who failed Math?" suggested Merry.

Ioreth's voice once again rang out around the room. "Spirit! Is there anyone here you would like to talk to? Who? Wait - I will see if he's available. Is there anyone here called Faramir?"

The young Steward of Gondor, rolled his eyes. "Yes Ioreth..........."

Ioreth gave a giggle, and slapped him on the leg. "Silly me!" she said, and then added in a whisper, "It's for you.....would you like me to take a message?"

"Why?" Faramir asked, "Who is it?" and he paled when she replied, "It's your dad."

"Shall I say you're not here?" asked Ioreth, as she came over all motherly.  
  
"No, it's OK," Faramir replied, "I'd like to speak to him.......," and he took the Palantir nervously, and put it to his ear, couighing nervously before speaking to his dead father._.  
_  
"Hello - dad? It's me, Faramir...how are you? We're all well here. Weather isn't too grand though. What? The blonde? She's my betrothed..........yes of course she's from good stock............no she isn't an elf. What's that? Who's the guy with the crown? That's the King Elessar... "

Faramir held the palantir away from his ear as though deafened. After several seconds, he looked at Aragorn.

"Dad sends his regards........sorry dad, what's that, I can't hear you, you're breaking up. Before you go, is Boromir there with you - and mother....oh, you're not with them? You don't know where you are, but the flames from the pyre still haven't gone out......that must be all the crackling I can hear then. Alright then dad, talk to you again soon. Missing you already........."  
  
As Faramir handed the palantir back to Ioreth, he suddenly clasped his hand to his forehead..  
  
Oh troll's b----cks!" he exclaimed, and then looked guiltily at his fiancee."Sorry my love, but I knew I'd forget something.....I meant to ask him where he put his address book. I'm not going to have a clue when it comes to sending out cards at midwinter".

"Wait!" said Ioreth, "I sense another presence. Spirit reveal yourself..........Faramir? You want to talk to Faramir?"

Convinced it was his beloved big brother this time, Faramir took the palantir eagerly.

"Hello, Boromir...is that you......oh, Madril, yes, well I'm sorry about that, but there wasn't much I could have done.....all the confusion and panic....well I've said I'm sorry...........it really wasn't my fault.........I thought you were behind me.........hello....... "

Looking somewhat crestfallen, he handed the palantir back to Ioreth. "He hung up," he said.

"No matter," said Ioreth, anxious to move on before Faramir became maudlin. "I have a queue now anyway. Yes spirit...speak.....you want to speak to who? Faramir?"

There were audible sighs and looks of impatience from those gathered, and Faramir looked embarrassed as Ioreth returned the palantir to him yet again.

"Try not to be long dear...there are others waiting."

"Hello? This is Faramir," said the Prince of Ithilien feeling distinctly uncomfortable. "You're very faint...can you speak up? Boromir! Is it really you?" He looked around the table, a broad smile on his face. "It's Boromir!

The others raised and rolled their eyes, and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

"Yes, I'm well," continued Faramir, "How are you - or is that a silly question? Yes, I miss you too."

"I want to speak to Boromir!" said Pippin, a sentiment echoed by Merry.

"Be quiet!" said Faramir, "No sorry Boromir, not you..........it's Merry and Pippin.......they send their love.......what's that, you're sorry you didn't save them from being captured......well it all worked out for the best actually....the orcs didn't want to kill them, and if they hadn't been captured they wouldn't have met Treebeard and..........yes, well I suppose if you put it like that it was a waste of time.........yes you might still have been alive........that's the way it goes sometimes tho.....oh, don't say you shouldn't have bothered....it was a nice gesture and you regained your honour......no sorry, I shouldn't have said that......yes I'm sure you are trying to forget about what you tried to do to Frodo."

At the mention of his name, Frodo smiled and waved. "Say hello from me, and tell him it's all forgotten...no harm done in the end."

"Did you hear that Boromir?" Faramir asked his brother. "Frodo is here, and wants to be remembered to you....says it's all forgotten. Yes, I suppose it is easier for him to forget, being alive still.......still it wasn't a barrel of laughs for him either......you what? Your heart bleeds? I'm sure it does with the amount of arrows you took. You should have seen what happened to me though......oh, you did......yes thanks, the burns have healed nicely. Is mother there.........oh, she's taken a trip to the sea? That's a shame...but I will try and catch up with her later........oh, nearly forgot, I'm getting married......oh, you know.....yes she is a fine looking woman......look Boromir I'm getting impatient looks so I'd better go for now.....we must do this again. Don't be a stranger OK. Yes, love you too......miss you loads."

Once again, Faramir returned the palantir to Ioreth, as he said sheepishly "That was Boromir." Turning to Eowyn, he was unable to miss the stony look from his intended.

"What?" he said. "WHAT???"

Retaining a look from which Bilbo's trolls would have fled, Eowyn said through gritted teeth, "You - nearly - forgot??!"

"I wanted to talk to Boromir," said Pippin sulkily, as Ioreth once more made contact with a restless soul.

"Yes spirit," she said, "Speak. You wish to talk to who? No, sorry, there's no-one here by that name, but I'll just see if anyone can help. Does anyone here know someone called Estel?"

Aragorn sighed.

"That's me you stupid woman," he said, but as Ioreth gave him a withering look, he added, "Sorry Ioreth, sorry ...I didn't mean it."

Ioreth passed the palantir with a loud huff. King or not, he looked a mere slip of a boy, and she wasn't going to be spoken to like that.  
_  
_"Hello, this is Estel," said Aragorn, and his face broke into a smile. "Haldir!!! How nice to hear from you. Are you well? Yes shame about your immortality.......yes, I suppose the Undying Lands would have been better.....too many men where you are you say........well that can have its advantages according to some.........the other elves and you have set up your own woodland community? Well that's nice......look Haldir, I never really got time to thank you for helping out at Helm's Deep......yes I'm sure you do wish you hadn't volunteered. Arwen? Yes she's here - you'll see her again one day as she chose a mortal life you know.......what do you mean you thought she had more intelligence than that? Haldir, I know you're upset but there's no need to be rude. Anyway, I'm King now you know.....oh, you do know. What do you mean I haven't been in touch - how can I...what's that...tell Arwen how much you miss and love her?? Is there something you want to tell me Hald........ Ada, is that you? You've come through on a crossed line......I'll get back to you........sorry Haldir, what were you saying....Haldir? Oh, he's gone....."

Returning the palantir to the still offended Ioreth, Aragorn gave a deep sigh.

"Shall we adjourn for a short while?" he asked, "I feel decidedly wearied."

Eomer scowled. "Then Faramir must be exhausted," he said, with a suspicious look at the man who dared to want to deflower his sister.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**THE HAPPY MEDIUM**

**Chapter 2:**

"Are we all present?" asked Ioreth, as they reconvened. "Then we can continue," she said, without waiting for confirmation. "Please hold hands, and concentrate very hard."

"Ouch!!" exclaimed Faramir as Eowyn clutched his hand a tad too tightly.

"I'm sorry my love," she smiled innocently. "Did I hurt you? I _forgot_ my nails were so sharp."

"Please!" said Ioreth, "The spirits need an air of calm! IS THERE ANYONE THERE? Yes spirit, I hear you.......who is it you wish to speak to? Baggins? Yes, he's here."

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Wonderful," he said. "She gets confused over her King and her Steward, but recognises the hobbit immediately."

Ioreth passed the palantir to Frodo, who looked at it with some trepidation.

"Hello," he said nervously, "Yes, this is Baggins. I'm sorry, I can't make out what you're saying....there appears to be a lot of interference..........like a hissing noise. Am I who? Am I Master? Smeagol! Is that you?? No, I don't have it anymore Smeagol, you should know that.......no, I didn't climb down after it! What do you think I am - deranged?"

"Well actually, you were a bit Mr. Frodo," Sam interjected.

"Yes, thankyou Sam," Frodo replied with a hint of irritation. "Sorry Smeagol...what was that? Yes, that was the fat one." He looked at Sam with a smirk. "Do I want to talk to Gollum?? Well alright then, I suppose so.........what do you mean I should let bygones be bygones? Oh, you're talking to Gollum...........he doesn't want to talk to me? Well, that's OK - I understand......Smeagol, are you listening........I_ beg _your pardon?! Yes Gollum, I thought that might be you.......yes, I'm sure you do want to rip out my insides and feed them to wargs........oh Smeagol, you're back.........no, that's OK, don't worry about it......no, I understand...........Smeagol, stop grovelling. Yes Smeagol, Master forgives you........you'll make it up to me when we see each other again? I don't somehow think that's going to happen, but I appreciate the thought. You're getting very faint now.......can hardly hear you.........'bye Smeagol."

"He doesn't sound so bad, considering," said Frodo, as he returned the palantir to Ioreth.

"Hush Frodo," whispered Gandalf, "Ioreth is making contact once more."

"Yes," said Ioreth, "Yes - King Theoden? And you want to talk to who?"

Eomer and Eowyn gasped in delight, and both reached for the palantir, but were shocked as Ioreth continued, "You want to talk to Aragorn? Yes, he's here....I'll just put him on."

"Aragorn!" chorused the brother and sister.

"Hello - hello Theoden? Yes, it's me Aragorn," said the King, delighted to hear his old friend. "It's nice to speak to you......things have settled down very nicely now......sorry? You don't have time for small talk? You want to know what.......yes, that's what I thought you said.........and it's urgent? OK, hang on a minute."

Aragorn turned to his friend and Steward.

"Faramir - when is your birthday?"

"Why?" asked a bemused Faramir.

"Theoden says it's important," said Aragorn, and he shrugged to convey that he had no idea why.

"16th May 2983, of the Third Age," Faramir replied, wondering what a dead man needed with such information

"16th May........oh, you heard," Aragorn continued, "Faramir wants to know why you want to know...........Middle Earth Council of War 2982........what about it? Yes I know you were there........no I wasn't at the Council, but I was around.............sorry...can you repeat that?? You are joking......tell me you're joking................no, I suppose you wouldn't joke about something like that............OK, well you'd best try and find out quickly..........no indeed, no time like the present.....but before you go, Eomer and Eowyn are here........you'll catch up later? Right......yes I will..............OK Theoden......we'll talk again soon.....very soon!"

"Is that it??" asked an annoyed Eomer, "Has he gone?"

"Charming," huffed Eowyn. "After a year he has nothing to say to myself or Eomer, but just wants to know the date of Faramir's birth." She looked at her fiance with an exaggerated smile. "I'm surprised you could remember it yourself my love."

Faramir sighed. "Eowyn, I've said I'm sorry....how long is this going to go on for?"

"Shall we continue?" snapped Ioreth. "Your Majesty, the palantir please.......hello....Your Majesty.....Aragorn......Elessar....Estel."

Aragorn seemed oblivious to Ioreth, and indeed, all that was around him.

"May," he murmered to himself, but his alert elven wife heard him.

"Estel? Why are you contemplating Faramir's birth date?"

"No reason my dear," replied Aragorn hastily. "Just wondering why Theoden wanted to know. Sorry Ioreth...shall we continue?"

He pushed the palantir back across the table, but continued to look at Faramir.

"Faramir - why is Aragorn staring at you?" Eowyn whispered.

"I don't know," replied Faramir, also in a whisper. "Pretend you haven't noticed."

He turned to Gandalf.

"Mithrandir....why is Aragorn looking at me like that? Mithrandir? Gandalf..........?"

Gandalf did not hear the young Steward for he was lost in his own thoughts.

"May?" he muttered.

"Faramir - are you sure your birthday is in May?" asked Aragorn.

"Well now you come to mention it....." said Faramir sarcastically, and then added, "Of course I'm sure. Why the sudden interest?"

"No real reason," responded Aragorn nonchalantly, "I just thought it was July."

"It's certainly what I was told," thought Gandalf to himself.

"Legolas!" said Aragorn, "You attended that War Council in 2982 didn't you...did you see much of Theoden?"

"No, no I wasn't there," replied Legolas, rather too quickly.

"You most certainly were," contributed Gandalf, "Your memory must be eluding you."

Faramir beamed.

"You were all in Minas Tirith at the same time? So you met my father and mother? What was she like - my mother?"

There was a brief silence before Gandalf spoke.

"She was very......generous," he said, "Yes - generous. And hospitable."

Faramir smiled proudly. "Everyone loved my mother."

"True.....," said Legolas quietly, as he, Aragorn and Gandalf shared a furtive glance.


End file.
